Thank you so much for taking the time to do all this research and compile it into such a concise article. I recently wrote about my childhood experience of becoming witnessing incest occurring in another child's family and being sexually abused by that family myself. One of the things I have struggled with most in processing this is the fact that my parents continually offered me up to this family, despite the fact that the other child and I were showing clear signs of abuse. I even told one of my parents some of it, and expressed how uncomfortable it made me but it was laughed off. I've been asking myself, at what point can my parents actions no longer be considered neglect but must instead be recognized as accessory to the abuse?
This article has shed so much light on this issue for me. I now suspect that my parents continued to offer me up to this family because cutting ties with them would require some small degree of acknowledgement of abuse occurring: the illusion that everything was fine was so fragile that even the smallest move to protect me (or the other child who was actually experiencing incest) would have shattered it.
And thank you for writing your story. I read your post, very interesting. Each story helps. A large part of recovery is understanding how common sexual abuse is and the weirdness in how people who are not abusers respond to it. When I first realized what had happened to me--uncovering some of the amnesia--one of the most appalling things was the non-abusers' reactions. I still struggle to understand how difficult it is for virtually everyone to see sexual abuse and respond in a rational and caring way.
Zida, I so appreciate you sharing your research on the status quo thinking of clinical psychologists vis-a-vis incest. Their inability to recognize and acknowledge the signs is spectacularly hard to believe!
On another front, don't be too hard on those who reviewed your last piece, as I was uncertain myself the role that "Mike" played – I didn't fully recall from reading your previous pieces. If it's something that resonates for you, it might be helpful to add a descriptive in parenthesis when you mention a family member.
At any rate, personally, along with emotional and psychological abuse, I experienced childhood incest (regularly) while under about 7 years of age, with my mother and step-father drugging me and raping me while in drunken stupors. This deep inner knowing was filed away subconsciously for decades until my being was strong enough for it to surface. (There had been lots of conscious hints but I could never connect the dots.) Once it was confirmed through my own inner knowing, it corroborated many of the events in my conscious memory and afforded me huge relief in not having to replay those "hints" over-and-over; it afforded me the ability to let it go.
Thanks to you too, Becca, for your sharing. The more we speak about our experiences of incest, the less invisible it becomes!
I very much didn't mean to be "hard on those who reviewed" my last post, but only to show how difficult it is to make these connections. I did write earlier in that post that my three siblings abused me and I named all three. But I get it! No one dissociates more than I do. I continue to pull the facts of my life together, to integrate. I hope to someday be able "to let it go" as you have.
Thank you so much for taking the time to do all this research and compile it into such a concise article. I recently wrote about my childhood experience of becoming witnessing incest occurring in another child's family and being sexually abused by that family myself. One of the things I have struggled with most in processing this is the fact that my parents continually offered me up to this family, despite the fact that the other child and I were showing clear signs of abuse. I even told one of my parents some of it, and expressed how uncomfortable it made me but it was laughed off. I've been asking myself, at what point can my parents actions no longer be considered neglect but must instead be recognized as accessory to the abuse?
This article has shed so much light on this issue for me. I now suspect that my parents continued to offer me up to this family because cutting ties with them would require some small degree of acknowledgement of abuse occurring: the illusion that everything was fine was so fragile that even the smallest move to protect me (or the other child who was actually experiencing incest) would have shattered it.
Thank you.
And thank you for writing your story. I read your post, very interesting. Each story helps. A large part of recovery is understanding how common sexual abuse is and the weirdness in how people who are not abusers respond to it. When I first realized what had happened to me--uncovering some of the amnesia--one of the most appalling things was the non-abusers' reactions. I still struggle to understand how difficult it is for virtually everyone to see sexual abuse and respond in a rational and caring way.
Yes to all of that, and thank you again.
Zida, I so appreciate you sharing your research on the status quo thinking of clinical psychologists vis-a-vis incest. Their inability to recognize and acknowledge the signs is spectacularly hard to believe!
On another front, don't be too hard on those who reviewed your last piece, as I was uncertain myself the role that "Mike" played – I didn't fully recall from reading your previous pieces. If it's something that resonates for you, it might be helpful to add a descriptive in parenthesis when you mention a family member.
At any rate, personally, along with emotional and psychological abuse, I experienced childhood incest (regularly) while under about 7 years of age, with my mother and step-father drugging me and raping me while in drunken stupors. This deep inner knowing was filed away subconsciously for decades until my being was strong enough for it to surface. (There had been lots of conscious hints but I could never connect the dots.) Once it was confirmed through my own inner knowing, it corroborated many of the events in my conscious memory and afforded me huge relief in not having to replay those "hints" over-and-over; it afforded me the ability to let it go.
Thanks always for your brave and honest sharing.
Thanks to you too, Becca, for your sharing. The more we speak about our experiences of incest, the less invisible it becomes!
I very much didn't mean to be "hard on those who reviewed" my last post, but only to show how difficult it is to make these connections. I did write earlier in that post that my three siblings abused me and I named all three. But I get it! No one dissociates more than I do. I continue to pull the facts of my life together, to integrate. I hope to someday be able "to let it go" as you have.