I'm really enjoying these pieces, and I'm glad you feel up to writing them.
You mention "the literature of trauma." Have you read any Murakami novels? You might find them useful and absorbing. Another really good trauma novel is "The Unconsoled" by Ishiguro. That one is less pleasant to read, for sure, but really fascinating if you're feeling up to it. (Or at least I found it so: online reviews range from "greatest masterpiece ever" to "WTF is this bullshit?")
Your inability to remember that you had learned about defense mechanisms is fascinating as hell. There are people in my life who have a marked inability to learn things that would be painful for them to know.... I wonder if I may be one of them. It's hard to know what you don't know.
I also really liked the line "I became aware of my unconscious only when it stopped cooperating." The unconscious is like a blind spot -- you can't see it and you can't even really believe that it's there because even when you go looking for it you still can't see it. It's been so strange for me as I have started to feel better, this new ability to see things that I had been missing -- things that were hiding in a part of myself that I never even knew existed. But the first step in the process was when things kept coming out of the hidden place and attacking me. "Where did that come from? I never even knew there was anything there."
Thanks, and yes I like those authors too. I’ll look at The Unconsoled. If you like them you might like the movies of Kurosawa—have you seen them?
It is disturbing to see things now that we missed before. For me, it’s a lifetime of missed! And I know I’ll never see more than a fraction of it.
You say you know people “who have a marked inability to learn things that would be painful for them to know….” I think it’s not only that we avoid knowing because it would be painful to know (though it will be), but that we learned a way of thinking (including what to avoid) when we were young and we need a lot of help to break out of that.
I love the way you say things “kept coming out of the hidden place and attacking me.” I mean, it’s cool when you say it! Not when it happened, I’m sure.
I'm really enjoying these pieces, and I'm glad you feel up to writing them.
You mention "the literature of trauma." Have you read any Murakami novels? You might find them useful and absorbing. Another really good trauma novel is "The Unconsoled" by Ishiguro. That one is less pleasant to read, for sure, but really fascinating if you're feeling up to it. (Or at least I found it so: online reviews range from "greatest masterpiece ever" to "WTF is this bullshit?")
Your inability to remember that you had learned about defense mechanisms is fascinating as hell. There are people in my life who have a marked inability to learn things that would be painful for them to know.... I wonder if I may be one of them. It's hard to know what you don't know.
I also really liked the line "I became aware of my unconscious only when it stopped cooperating." The unconscious is like a blind spot -- you can't see it and you can't even really believe that it's there because even when you go looking for it you still can't see it. It's been so strange for me as I have started to feel better, this new ability to see things that I had been missing -- things that were hiding in a part of myself that I never even knew existed. But the first step in the process was when things kept coming out of the hidden place and attacking me. "Where did that come from? I never even knew there was anything there."
Thanks, and yes I like those authors too. I’ll look at The Unconsoled. If you like them you might like the movies of Kurosawa—have you seen them?
It is disturbing to see things now that we missed before. For me, it’s a lifetime of missed! And I know I’ll never see more than a fraction of it.
You say you know people “who have a marked inability to learn things that would be painful for them to know….” I think it’s not only that we avoid knowing because it would be painful to know (though it will be), but that we learned a way of thinking (including what to avoid) when we were young and we need a lot of help to break out of that.
I love the way you say things “kept coming out of the hidden place and attacking me.” I mean, it’s cool when you say it! Not when it happened, I’m sure.